Me myself and I: story of reconciliation

Dear Diary,

I feel like a 15-year old girl. Is that a bad thing? Perhaps not. Better that than a disheartened, cynical 33 year old scientist.. which I am not! Well, at least not all of it.

What weird experiences I have had recently. Still looking for that golden goose of a job, although am fairly certain the current one is part of it. While searching, I am discovering interesting facts about myself: what I seem like from the outside. Ha! I say. Have I in fact become what I’ve so hard worked to achieve yet suddenly realise it’s not ‘me’? Yep, that may well be it.

Quant. I hear it often these days. They refer to me as the quantitative person. Who’s that? I can hardly recognise myself.. Oh right, it’s the physicist in the background. More like in the closet if you ask me. And my old dream.. to be the quantest “pretty” girl on the block. Yep. Vain too. How awful is that! Thank god (just figuratively) I’m older now, I can say it (no longer as pretty). In all honesty though, I never quite saw myself as the quant. I decided to quit while still ahead. Or so I thought. New experiences have taught me though: it all depends on the personal viewpoint. Maybe I think I’m no quant now, coming from the hard sciences, but in this world, yeah baby, numbers mean quant. If you can’t discuss Aristotle, Hobbes and Locke, through Rousseau, Tocqueville and Gellner eloquently, then forget it. You must be either common, or a quant. (Given that choice, I’d be the quant any day thank you very much)

Coming to the point now.. In my search for the optimal, shining, inspiring and long-lasting post, position, professional engagement, career, I will continue to have to work on reconciling what I want with my (ooo here it comes) past. I took the long route, no doubt about that, to prove to myself I could do it. And here we are, long past the ‘having done it’ (I guess that would be a PhD in computational physics), I am still haunted by the quantitative past that I so longed to embrace.

The way forward is somewhere here. I think it’s quite near now. There will always be issues to confront with the good ‘ole (age old more like) division between quant and qual in science, but hey, perhaps that is for me to work on. Bringing these two together. Why on earth can’t one person be(come) both? Guess why all those physicists have won the Nobel prize in other domains (or at least some in Economics).. well DOH! Cause perhaps they are people like me. Want the challenge and interested in everything! (And that’s the speech by which you get more girls to study physics, right?)

 

If you’re interested in more artsy-businessy thinkers, try reading this blog to suppress your need to evaluate and be a bit more creative.

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