The wonderful autonomy

Who said there was something great about being wonderfully academic, enjoying academic freedom and being one’s own boss to an extent? In working in teams but being secluded, being totally autonomous, independent and sovereign.. NOTHING!

I miss having colleagues to take to lunch, chatter in the hallways, busy schedules and meetings, taking care of business, even other people’s business [I was the chairperson of my previous employer’s Staff Association – always some activity to handle!].

Now here I am, sitting alone (again) in a three-person post-doc office, a tiny office with plenty of sunlight, but totally away from other colleagues, not that I would know many of them anyway. I find myself in this strangely secluded situation day in day out and surprise myself by not really having the means to correct it. Every day I do sth to try, however. The attempts either fail or do not last very long. 

I feel lonely. I used to think I loved work because I am such an energetic person, and the work-community provided me with fuel, fuel for work and fuel for life. Now it seems I come here to drain myself, not having social interaction to speak of and hardly having the energy to do work. And every day I come to work with light steps, today with presents to my colleague who recently got married and cake to share. Well, she’s still not back from her honeymoon, it’s not her fault ;)

How to turn the table? I suppose I keep on trying. I concentrate on my Fin colleagues who promptly answer emails, and try to get things going with them. Perhaps also look into the past, in order to see how to complete more work projects with my previous colleagues. And conferences, conferences!

I try. And I suppose that has to be good enough for me. Perhaps I will again regain energy after the new baby, become  more efficient, balance work and family life, and not long after personal contacts (outside the family) so much.. Wish I were more autistic and less of a people-person!

2 Responses to “The wonderful autonomy”
  1. Nads says:

    You’re not all alone as far as I can see… Never forget your biggest fan is always with you, happily kicking or drowsing inside of you. And why not sharing the wedding-cake with colleagues who are around the corner? At least my colleagues are effortless “victims” i.e. easy to bewitch with sweet things. That’s how I made my way to mailing lists so I’m not longer excluded from Tango events or the bookclub :-)

  2. emma says:

    :* kisses Nads! You’re absolutely right.. There is always the little person. I just told Ilkka yesterday, I am so lucky to get all this time to “hang around” her, exclusively :)

    Colleagues around the corner is a little trickier.. Trust me, I’ve asked about possible mailing lists etc. Then again, there’s always tricks to learn at a new place. Have to give it time.

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